How to clarify consent with tea (Yep, tea!) to your kids and perhaps yourself.
To this day it amazes me that some of my well educated male friends put up the most outrageous and I repeat outrageous arguments when it comes to sex and consent.
I don't blame them because in Ghana and I am sure in most African cultures when a girl willingly goes into a guy's house, room, office or even sits in his car and assault of a sexual nature occurs it is automatically the girls fault.
The first question that she is asked is "what were you doing there in the first place?"
It is always the woman's fault. We have a blame the victim mentality. So the result is unless the sexual assault is of such a horrendous and offensive nature most sexual assaults go unreported and unpunished. Then we have men going around with a totally messed up opinion of what consent is.
I am of the humble opinion that we should teach our kids especially the boys about what it means for a woman to CONSENT TO ANYTHING OF A SEXUAL NATURE.
We Africans never like to talk to our kids about sex and stuff like that. (I will definitely do a blog post about that) But what got me thinking about it was this video I came across about consent. I thought this is a great video! One of the greatest videos on the internet!
I laughed and laughed but on a more serious note; it articulates everything I would ever want to explain about consent to my child.
If you are a parent this video just makes your job of explaining this whole thing easier and can teach us a thing or two. The message is simple consent is everything! It clarifies and simplifies what consent is and should always be.
We need to teach our sons what consent is before they get the wrong idea from their peers or pick up wrong cues and get into trouble. They must know that consent is definitely not the absence of No. Just because she didn’t say no doesn’t mean she has consented to sexual contact. What you don’t want is two people leaving an experience or contact thinking and feeling two different things happened.
Also the girls so that they know and don’t feel guilty after an unwanted encounter or pressured to do anything they don't want to do.
Please watch this video and show it to our kids.
And on a not completely unrelated note, I came across this hilarious video from a commenter of the original post on tea and consent that lead to the making of the video who has my quirky sense of humour. I will title it how to say a very firm NO to 'unwanted beverages'. Enjoy!